A Time for Change?

I have had a number of conversations with a good friend lately. We discuss what it is like to meet a person, talk to them, ask them out, etc. It is interesting to see how our views differ on dating. These talks have also got me thinking about just how dating is supposed to work. I understand a lot of key aspects of dating and relationships, but there has always been one thing that I have never been able to figure out, let alone even begin to understand. 

My friend is constantly telling me how I need to just tell a girl that I like her. That I am interested in her and would like to date her. Don’t go through this three or four date cycle wondering and speculating, trying to find out if this girl is really interested me, just tell her what I want. This has seemed a little crazy to me, and also has been a very fruitless endeavor. I have tried a few times, after a few dates, to tell a girl that I like her and would like to date her exclusively, but the result has often been a negative one. 

Not only has that result been a negative one, but has almost entirely resulted in a complete 180 from the person of interest. Not only will she claim to not reciprocate the feelings, but she then completely ignores me and treats me as if I am some kind of creeper/stalker. I have yet to determine exactly why this occurs. 

I understand that I have some, let’s say interesting, quirks. However, I do not believe that my personality warrants such treatment. I have often toyed with the idea of when meeting a girl saying something to the effect, “I think you’re pretty cute, and I have enjoyed meeting you, perhaps you would like to grab dinner with me sometime?” Or even a situation where I see this girl and would like to meet her, I say something like, “Hey I like that shirt (or hair style, eyes, smile, etc). I’m Jono, would you like to grab an ice cream with me.”

Of course, it always works out in my head, but then I run into the problem of the girl thinking I’m a little strange and weird and being completely turned off to the idea. Thus, I have resorted to doing nothing and continue on my way not having said a word. 

Now my question is, should I be changing my tactics? Is there really some magical phrase like “I want to date you?” Would a girl be open to a guy coming up to her and saying right off the back, “Hey, you’re pretty cute.” Maybe someone could shed some light on this subject?

I suppose that I should delve a little more into my background with my interactions with the women folk to provide a clearer picture of what happens. Let’s just say in brief that I can be extremely shy if not awkward around girls. I find it difficult to think of things to talk about. I never know what to do on dates. I like to try to come up with things that will be fun, but can be difficult when you don’t know the person, as well as something I would enjoy and be comfortable doing. I usually end up deciding to have her come over to my place and cook her dinner. Not very original, but it is great for conversation. Plus I love to cook, I and I cook very well.

This usually goes well, but to be honest, I never know how to approach the next part. (I was once told that when it comes to dating, I am like a dog chasing a car. I wouldn’t know what to do with it once I catch it.) I try to keep in touch with texting (which I absolutely abhor, by the way, but participate in the social norm to appease the masses), inviting her over, or to go to some social event. You know, something that isn’t in a date setting but still allows us to spend time together and continue to get to know each other. There will then be a second and third date and that is where things start to go awry. It’s an interesting feeling having a girl avoid you like the plague for no apparent reason.

Maybe I take a little too long to reach the point where I would tell the girl I would like to date her more. But, is it wrong that I like to get to know someone before bringing up the topic? Again, is there a set time frame to follow? Also, is it too much to ask that I feel like the girl is reciprocating my feelings in at least some degree? I don’t think so.

Well, perhaps this mystery is one that will never be solved. I suppose I will continue my search for answers and if I come up with anything I will let you all know.

A Ruined Friendship

I recently had a conversation with a friend that got me thinking about something very interesting. She was in town visiting and had made some plans with a good friend of hers that she admittedly mentioned she was interested in. We talked about how she was a little confused if he could be possibly interested in her as well and if she should do anything about it. And then she said something that made me think, and even laugh a little. It is something that I have heard on numerous occasions, but yet I have never understood it as it tends to contradict another statement I hear from girls about just as much. The first is, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” The second, “I married my best friend.” (The second is obviously said after marriage.)

It doesn’t make sense, girls look forward to someone who is their best friend and do everything best friends would do, but yet they don’t want to chance ruining a friendship due to dating? How in the world does this logic even connect. I can understand somewhat the hesitation with wanting to date a good friend, but in my mind, if you are really friends, especially ones who do a ton of things together and enjoy each others company, why not give it a shot? The way I see one of two things will happen, things work out and you get to live happily ever after, or things don’t. If it does end and you end up not being friends afterwards, then maybe you just didn’t know each other as much as you did. Relationships have a tendency of changing people, usually from the people you think they are, to those who they really are. 

If you truly were good friends and things didn’t work out, then you should be able to continue being friends. Most people would say that it is not a good idea to remain friends with your ex, but I have always thought, why not? Just because you aren’t a good match for dating doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. The few girls I have dated, when it ended I put forth the effort to stay friends, but at some point they decided it wasn’t worth it (at least I assume) and they faded away. Oh well. 

Well, perhaps somebody can explain to me the reasoning that goes on in a girls mind when they say something like this. As of yet I have to hear a good one. There you go, just a little thought I had.

Appreciation: A little goes a long way

In light of the holiday season I have been reflecting a lot on the wonderful things I have been blessed with throughout the years. I truly have been given plenty and often times I feel like I have received more than I possibly deserve. I have tried in recent times to be more giving of myself and serve those around me. I have found it a great way to form new relationships and strengthen old ones. Not to mention there is just a joy that comes from making other people’s day a little brighter. 

However, I often wonder how much we appreciate what we are given. I don’t mean just a simple thank-you when we receive a gift or a service, but do we try to make whomever may have given to us of what they have feel like the time and effort they put into the gift is truly welcome. I know this is something I need to work on and I still have a long way to go before I get to where I would like to be. I have seen all to often that those who give are often shortly forgotten and pushed aside by the busy lives of those around them.

Take my friend for example. They have always been a giving person and enjoy making people happy. However, this often turns against them in some form or another. I have seen this friend date quite a few people who at first appeared like great people. But they always ended up the same, once they got all they came for, they are gone. Especially one douche who mooched my friend for a lot of money then said douche throw them out upon finding something better.

An example of how showing appreciation can brighten somebody’s mood and make them feel included. Going into the education field I have had to do Student Teaching, which is teaching in a classroom for free for a semester while still paying college tuition. I had a number of students who struggled in my class and often felt like it was hopeless to think they could do well. At first I wanted to kind of leave these students off to the side and take the attitude that if they want to succeed they need to put forth the effort.

Of course, I knew that this wasn’t the correct course of action to take. I decided instead to let them know their effort was appreciated and that it wasn’t for nothing. I would help them to be able to do the work and walk them through the steps necessary to some to the right answer and them congratulate them for their efforts. It was amazing to see the change in their attitudes. Showing that their efforts were acknowledged and congratulate them for putting forth their best work made them want to continue to try hard and earn that success they often felt they could never achieve.

So, while I know we all have very busy days, and often a million and one things are constantly running through our minds, I make the challenge that we try to show more appreciation for those amazing people in our lives. Let’s not forget the ones that are constantly making an effort to make our days brighter and our lives easier, the ones who stick with us through the good and the bad, and the ones who bring us out the pits we dig for ourselves. I know I appreciate all those people in my life who have done that, and try to show it everyday.

I also include the following video for your viewing pleasure:

Learn to Listen

These past few months have had me thinking a lot about what has been going on around the world and especially in this country. The USA was founded on the principle that everyman could contain a set of beliefs as dictated by his own conscience. No one could force another belief upon him. If he wanted to speak in contrast to what his neighbor said, he was welcome to, and revered for stating and standing behind his beliefs. But, lately I have been seeing the opposite coming into the mainstream. In my attempts to stay informed on the latest issues, learn about what is important and understand what our country is struggling with and picking leaders who will fight for those freedoms and unalienable rights that served as a basis for this nation, I am increasingly confused.

This post is a little different than my others. While it does not relate directly with male/female relationships and dating; it does relate to what has been the topic of a few posts. That would be the importance of communication. One important aspect, perhaps the most import, is that of listening. Yes, it is good to speak your mind, and do so in a clear concise manner so that others understand your position. However, we must also listen to what the other person is saying. We can't just hear, we hear everything, the birds in the spring time, the sound of a creek running serenely through the forest, a bear roaring at us when we enter its cave. So what? Just because we hear them doesn't mean that we understand what the birds are singing about. It doesn't imply that the we have learned what the creek is trying to teach. It also doesn't signify that we know the bear is angry for trespassing (although I'm sure it's safe to assume that we would be right in that instance).

Listening is what brings about true understanding. It is when we listen that we begin to comprehend what the other person is attempting to communicate to us. Unfortunately, I feel that we have forgotten how to listen. We spend so much time learning how to speak, how to stand-up and voice our opinions, that we never bother to learn what everyone else is voicing. It seems like the rhetoric of today is to just roar louder than the bear. It doesn't matter what the other is saying, as long as we are louder (i.e. have more voices behind us).

What exactly has this lack of listening brought about? Well, I think we have many good examples in the media today. Most recently an instance has occurred where someone was asked to voice an opinion. The person happily obliged and suddenly everyone has a stick up their butt about the whole thing. This person supported a particular view, he said he stood for something, believed that the issue at hand was already resolved and should not be changed. Those who are trying to change the issue then took what this man said and threw into outrageous proportions. Not only that, they failed to listen to what the man was saying. From what he said (which after reading the whole think, I think he could have been more tactful) the other side of the issue assumed a whole lot.

They began to accuse the whole organization of being hateful. They claimed that they sought to discriminate against certain people, of which they have no actual proof. Soon after this incident, prominent leaders began saying that this organization was no longer welcome. That they shouldn't seek to establish themselves any more inside certain communities. In fact, the very thing for which the organization was being decried, was beginning to happen. Soon, the organization was being discriminated against solely based on the premiss that they, or rather the man, stated his belief on a manner.

I don't get it. He was asked a question, and he answered it. So what if it wasn't what you believe? We are entitled to our differences, are we not? Why don't we try a little harder to understand each other? Why can't we take the time to seek clarification on a matter instead of automatically assuming the worse? If someone thinks differently, we shouldn't make them our enemy, we should seek to understand their point of view. Come to a comprehension of why they think that way. We shouldn't try to change their minds, we shouldn't force them into submitting. We have to learn to listen again, to understand. I would even go as far as proposing that we learn to listen more than we roar. Maybe if we did that, we wouldn't have so many problems.

Bonus Post

You guys get a special treat this week. I am in Nevada living in a hotel. Not much to do in the evening after work so I get bored and I have decided to do a little blogging.

this bonus post is to share with you all three versions of a recent hit single that I find equally amazing. When I first heard this song, it was a cover version. I thought it was very well done. I then searched out the original and fell in love with it all over again. The rawness for eh song, and the relatability of it are what really drew me into it. It just gets to your heart. Not to mention the smooth feel of the music coupled with a throw-it-back-in-your-face attitude of the lyrics work together to bring just pure awesomeness. One could even say it is legen- wait for it... dary (sorry, I had to throw that reference in there).

Oh, and there I found another cover of this song and again I was stunned. this was was very unique. Five people playing one guitar and singing it. Now that is legendary! In fact. I discovered these three versions all within a day of each other and couldn't decide which one I liked best. I wanted to buy the song, but couldn't justify buying all three versions. It probably took me three weeks of listening to the song to finally settle on the original, and I have loved having it; plus it fit more with what I wanted the song for anyway. Alright, well, here it is. One of the best songs to come out this year.

So the video for the original by Gotye is a little weird. And, I don't get the whole painting thing at all, but this guy, along with Kimbra, are just amazing together. All out 5 star performance.

I was a little hesitant of this one at first. I don't watch Glee at all and there are only two songs that they covered that I actually liked (this being one of them). I like how they give it a little twist in the meaning and make it between siblings, very original.

And then there's these guys. What can I say, the video speaks for itself. being able to coordinate all the different parts in this fashion is truly incredible (although I feel sorry for the guy with a beard, far right; he only plays one chord that only happens five times in the song and doesn't sing. But hey, he has a beard and that makes him absolutely awesome). I feel like there could have been a little more emotion in there faces throughout, but their voices are amazing and they pull it off like champs.

My Life in Song: Part 2

Here is the next installment of my latest series. I was hoping to do more by now, but I keep forgetting the songs I want to throw in here. Anywho, this song is by Relient K and is called, "Must've Done something Right."

First off, Relient K is just amazing. I loved them from the very first time I heard one of their songs. This has long been a particular favorite. I find that it portrays how I see any relationship I am in. I feel like I have one the jackpot. The girl is definitely a step up from me. In the song there is mention to how everything the guy does and says is very cliché. That is how I am. Going with the theme of "hopeless romantic" (as is the blog) I am very old fashioned. I would definitely chase a soccer ball across town for a girl (as per the video). I believe in being chivalrous, and I think this song does a magnificent job of showing that. Great song, and fits with who I am.

that's it for this post. Laterz.

My Life in Song: Part 1

It's been a while, I know, but unfortunately I have been busy with the end of the semester and wrapping up a wonderful year of coaching ballroom. Anywho, I have decided that the next few posts are going to be inspired by music. I love music and listen to it almost incessantly. In fact, I have had a few roommates who have said I listen to my music a little too loud. This may be true, but music is a release for me. It gets emotions out and allows me to think. It helps best when I run. (I guess I should clarify a little, I don't play or write music, as much as I would like to, I just listen to it.)

Along with this, I believe it shows my hopeless romantic side. The first of the two videos that will appear in this post is by Carly Rae Jepson and is titled "Call Me Maybe." The thing I like about this song is that it would be great if a girl just came up to me at random and gave me her number. I wish I could say it has happened before, but that would be lying, and we all know where liars go. It would be one of those things that would just make my day. the other part of this video I like, that helps add to the song, is her playful nature, trying to get the boy's attention without making it look completely on purpose. The only part of the video that would not apply in my situation is the ending. Nope, would not happen. But, in all, a great song, and a well done video.

The second song is a long time favorite, at least since it came out. It is by the lovely and very talented Colbie Caillat and is called "Fallin' for You." Again, I am drawn to this song by the fact the the girl comes outright and says, "Hey, I like you." It would make life so much easier for that to actually happen rather paying this game of "Guess if the Cute Girl Likes You or Not." Another aspect of this song that I like is that fact that it's alms an unexpected attraction to the guy. Almost as if saying, give someone a chance and you'll be surprised what they can show you.