Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Sick and Tired



This has been long in the making. I have been thinking of exactly how to put this, how to express the thoughts that have been lingering in my head. How to write what I have been feeling for so long without sound like a complete  and total loser who is just complaining. How to make it not  sound like I am screaming for attention in a desperate attempt to seek pity from people. That is not what I want to do. I am not looking for people to reply with words of encouragement trying to boost my ego from a far. All I hope to do with what I am going to write is to help others to understand my point of view and maybe, just maybe, motivate people to action, because in my mind, it is the taking action that is the most important part. Words will only travel so far and it seems that words is all people care about. I want to see people take action, I want to see people strive a little more to change the lives of those around them and try just a little harder to make someone a little more happy. So, without further ado, here we go:

I am sick and tired. Sick and tired of people who are quick to proclaim the greatness of someone, and then never make an effort to reach out to them. I am constantly told how nice, how awesome, how ridiculously generous and amazing I am. I am sick of people telling me that they enjoy being around me on the rare occasion they have found to hang out with me and then not call me up again for six months. I am sick and tired of people not returning my phone calls, people who can't take two seconds to respond to a text or a Facebook message when I try to plan a get together or some other fun activity. I am sick and tired of people saying, "hey, we need to hang out soon," and then expect me to put in all the effort of making plans and finding the time that best fits their schedule to make this "hang out" possible. 

Now don't get me wrong. I understand people are busy, heck I am too. I have things going on, I have to plan out my days and weeks, and constantly adjust my schedule and  re-prioritize my to do list in order to ensure that I fit the most important things in. I am a person who is almost constantly on the go, realize that you are not the only one with a busy life and learn to compromise here and there. Make sure that you are putting forth the effort as well to make things happen. Work hard to keep in touch with old friends and work even harder to include the new ones as well. It's a joint effort, joint means more than one person has to do the work.

I am sick and tired of trying to make new friends. I am sick and tired of putting in the effort to get to know someone when 99% of the time I will never talk to the person again. I am sick and tired of moving to a new area excited to see new faces and enjoy the company of a different group of friends only to come to realize that there is no more room for anyone else. Seriously? You can't include one more person into your circle of friends? You can't share your good times with just one other person, maybe two and take the time to get know them? Is it really that hard to expand your social circle, your close tight knit group of friends around a new face? Mostly, I am sick and tired of feeling more included by a bunch of high schoolers than I do by my own "friends." (No offense to those high schoolers, I like you, I really do. And I enjoy working with you guys, but it's nice to hang out with people my own age once in a while)

I mean this has really happened to me. I moved to a new town, and new ward, and different group of friends. I wanted to meet new people. I was excited to get to know others, share ideas, enjoy their company, typical group activities. I was very busy during this time trying to graduate and ensure I had everything ready to enter the "real world." I made time to try to get to know people when I could. You know what happened? I would be at a social event, introduce my self to some one new, get to know them a little bit and it seemed that they were enjoying the conversation. Then, no more than five minutes later, they would just walk away and rejoin their group. It felt like a huge slap in the face. It was almost as if they were saying either, sorry there's no more room at the inn, or, hey you seem great, but I really don't care. You're just not good enough to enter my friend circle. I also really do have "friends" who will randomly get in touch with me saying how they miss hanging out and suggest we get together soon, but then it never goes beyond there. Not unless I spend the next month and a half trying to plan something and get it to work with their crazy, busy schedule. It just gets exhausting after a while.

I am sick and tired of it all. I am sick and tired of roommates. I am sick and tired of having to clean up after full grown men who still want to act like boys. I am sick of tired of people without the common decency to try and clean up after themselves. I am sick and tired of doing everyone else's dishes. I am sick and tired of picking up your food crusted plates, your cups with dried soda in them, your bowls of cereal with two day old milk in it. I am sick of cleaning up the couch cushions, the shoes you leave wherever you feel like. I am sick and tired of having to reorganize your textbooks and laptops, of having to move them every time I or a guest want to sit on the couch. I am sick and tired of turning off the TV, of turning off the blu-ray player. I am sick and tired of having to put away the movie you just watched. I am sick and tired of picking up old pizza boxes, I am sick and tired of throwing out month old milk that was forgotten, milk that has since curdled and bloated the carton so much that one false move and you'll be trying to get the smell out of everything for the next 50 years. I am sick and tired of being your maid.

Usually I get one of two excuses with this one. "Well, I'm just so tired when I get home I just want to relax." Or, "No one else does it, so why should I?" Really? I'm sorry your life is consumed with work and school and a social life. I am sorry you had to leave the comforts of home where you only cleaned up if your parents pestered you for two hours before you even thought of doing what you asked. I am sorry that it is so difficult  and time consuming to simply rinse off a plate and place it in the magic box that cleans it for you. You're in a rush and don't have time? I get it, sometimes I run behind as well. I'm okay with the occasional bowl left in the sink because you had to eat in a hurry and then get to class. But seriously? You're going to leave everything you used to cook and eat dinner in the sink for a whole week without giving it a second thought? You have so little time that you just don't realize that other people want to use the same pot and in order to do so they clean it, use it, and then clean it again so it's ready for the next person. Are you really that self-centered? Did your parents not teach you to think of others? I'm pretty sure they did. And all the stuff in the living room? Come on. Is it really that hard to take everything into your room? Don't just drop it on the floor when you come in. Go to your room first and then set it down. Others use that same space. As I like to call it, it is the community area. I like to entertain guests once in a while, but often don't because it means either I have to clean everything, or I get to be completely embarrassed by my trashy roommates and there three day old messes. It really does get tiring after six years and its pretty disgusting as well. The only cleaning up I want to do after someone, is after my one year old who just barely learned how to walk, or after a big family get together at Thanksgiving. Because they are worth cleaning up after. You, lazy bum, are not. 

I'm sick and tired of being single. I am sick and tired of girls who complain about not finding anyone, then when I offer, they would rather sit and cry and eat ice cream. I am sick and tired of no one taking an interest in me and my "awesome" self. I am sick and tired of trying to get to know someone, of planning dates, of spending money on someone, who can't even be bothered to give me the time of day. I am sick and tired of meeting an amazing girl who has a good head on her shoulders only to find out what she wants is a six foot three football player who is going to be a heart surgeon and will make loads of money. I am sick and tired of girls swooning over the guy who plays the guitar and knows how to throw a frisbee, but those are his only talents. I am sick and tired of taking out girls who see us being nothing more than friends. I am also sick and tired of people commenting how they married their best friend, and how they want to marry their best friend or some other combination that includes marriage and best friends. I am also sick and tired of people saying they have the perfect person for me and want to set me up, and then never do.

Come one ladies, I cook, I dance, I speak three languages (two of which are Romance languages). I work out, I learned what it truly means to be chivalrous. I hear these are traits a women looks for in a guy. I guess I missed the memo about having to look like Adam Levine or the guy on the cover of the latest issue of GQ. Just take the time to get to know me. I don't think that's asking a lot. You might be surprised. As far as the best friend thing goes, if we're such good friends, why aren't we married? We're too good of friends? That just doesn't make sense to me. If anyone can explain this one to me, please do. As for the being set up, if you are going to do it, do it. Don't place a chocolate cake in front of me and then tell me I can't eat it. That's just mean.

Lastly, I am sick and tired of being a person's after thought. I am sick and tired of people only being my friend when they need something. I am sick and tired. I am sick and tired of people saying they'll do something and then it never gets done. I am sick and tired of people just saying words and then not backing them up with the action. 

I have people who seriously only call or text me when they need help with something. Half the time they don't even contact me directly. It's some plea written on the wall of Facebook that I respond to. It is no fun to have someone come to your apartment, ask for your roommate, invite them to an activity, and then as they are leaving feel like they need to invite you as well since you heard the whole conversation anyway. "Oh, and I guess you can come too, if you want." Not exactly the most friendly of phrases. And it really sounds like you want me there anyway. Thanks for the bone. As for the helping, I really don't mind it. I enjoy helping people out. I help out completely random strangers all the time. I don't expect anything from it. More often than not I turn down any form of compensation offered. I don't do it to receive anything, I don't expect anything in return for my services. I do it because I genuinely want to help. What gets my gears going, is when people say what a good friend I am for helping, and then I don't hear, see or have any form of contact with them until the next time they need something. Yeah, we're super greeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaat friends. Let me tell you. As for not pulling through on your end of the deal. If you can't do it, tell me. Don't string me along and leave me waiting a year for something that I needed done right then. Who does that? More people than you would think. I work hard to do the things I tell people I'll do. I may need a simple reminder every now and then, but I do it when it needs to be done. You should as well.

So there you have it. Hopefully you see where I am coming from. Again, my purpose is not to come across as bitter or sad or lonely. I just want people to realize that it really isn't what you say or how you say it. It is what you do. This concept has been taught since the beginning of time. Actions really speak louder than words. And in action practically blows out your eardrums more than standing right next to a giant fog horn on an ocean liner. I don't expect much to change from this, all that I ask is that we all put forth a little more effort and try to think of the other person just little bit more than we already do.

Again, I don't need any reassurances, I don't want comments that fail to boost my spirits in a half-hearted attempt to make me feel like there are people who really do care and know exactly how I feel. I know that those people are out their. All I want is for people to be more aware. I want them to be more aware of those that feel this way. I want them to be more aware of how they interact with others and try a little bit harder and be more active in their relationships with those around them. That's all I want, and that's all I need.


I also want to thank those who take the time to do these things. Those who try to make a difference in the lives of others, and those who realize life is more about the other person, than it is about us.