I have had a number of conversations with a good friend lately. We discuss what it is like to meet a person, talk to them, ask them out, etc. It is interesting to see how our views differ on dating. These talks have also got me thinking about just how dating is supposed to work. I understand a lot of key aspects of dating and relationships, but there has always been one thing that I have never been able to figure out, let alone even begin to understand.
My friend is constantly telling me how I need to just tell a girl that I like her. That I am interested in her and would like to date her. Don’t go through this three or four date cycle wondering and speculating, trying to find out if this girl is really interested me, just tell her what I want. This has seemed a little crazy to me, and also has been a very fruitless endeavor. I have tried a few times, after a few dates, to tell a girl that I like her and would like to date her exclusively, but the result has often been a negative one.
Not only has that result been a negative one, but has almost entirely resulted in a complete 180 from the person of interest. Not only will she claim to not reciprocate the feelings, but she then completely ignores me and treats me as if I am some kind of creeper/stalker. I have yet to determine exactly why this occurs.
I understand that I have some, let’s say interesting, quirks. However, I do not believe that my personality warrants such treatment. I have often toyed with the idea of when meeting a girl saying something to the effect, “I think you’re pretty cute, and I have enjoyed meeting you, perhaps you would like to grab dinner with me sometime?” Or even a situation where I see this girl and would like to meet her, I say something like, “Hey I like that shirt (or hair style, eyes, smile, etc). I’m Jono, would you like to grab an ice cream with me.”
Of course, it always works out in my head, but then I run into the problem of the girl thinking I’m a little strange and weird and being completely turned off to the idea. Thus, I have resorted to doing nothing and continue on my way not having said a word.
Now my question is, should I be changing my tactics? Is there really some magical phrase like “I want to date you?” Would a girl be open to a guy coming up to her and saying right off the back, “Hey, you’re pretty cute.” Maybe someone could shed some light on this subject?
I suppose that I should delve a little more into my background with my interactions with the women folk to provide a clearer picture of what happens. Let’s just say in brief that I can be extremely shy if not awkward around girls. I find it difficult to think of things to talk about. I never know what to do on dates. I like to try to come up with things that will be fun, but can be difficult when you don’t know the person, as well as something I would enjoy and be comfortable doing. I usually end up deciding to have her come over to my place and cook her dinner. Not very original, but it is great for conversation. Plus I love to cook, I and I cook very well.
This usually goes well, but to be honest, I never know how to approach the next part. (I was once told that when it comes to dating, I am like a dog chasing a car. I wouldn’t know what to do with it once I catch it.) I try to keep in touch with texting (which I absolutely abhor, by the way, but participate in the social norm to appease the masses), inviting her over, or to go to some social event. You know, something that isn’t in a date setting but still allows us to spend time together and continue to get to know each other. There will then be a second and third date and that is where things start to go awry. It’s an interesting feeling having a girl avoid you like the plague for no apparent reason.
Maybe I take a little too long to reach the point where I would tell the girl I would like to date her more. But, is it wrong that I like to get to know someone before bringing up the topic? Again, is there a set time frame to follow? Also, is it too much to ask that I feel like the girl is reciprocating my feelings in at least some degree? I don’t think so.
Well, perhaps this mystery is one that will never be solved. I suppose I will continue my search for answers and if I come up with anything I will let you all know.
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