The Best Ones Are At the Top

“Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”

I have seen this quote a few times on various Facebook pages and other places, usually posted by some girl who is fed up with being ignored by guys, only going out with complete jerks, or some other apparently failed attempt at procuring a mate worthy of their “amazingness.” Well, this one is for all those ladies that hang at the top of the tree waiting for the “right man to come along.”

I have known many good men who have walked by this metaphorical apple tree and seen the bright red juicy apples at the top and decided they wanted one. So they go about finding a ladder that will reach the top, but inevitably, there is never a ladder tall enough to reach the one he has his eye on. So, with the risk of falling and breaking a bone (or many), he begins to climb the frail branches, carefully placing his feet so his weight is distributed in just the right way to keep him from breaking the feeble boughs and plummeting to the Earth.

Finally, he reaches the apple he as longed for and plucks her from her sky-high branch. He feels he has won the greatest prize on Earth and cannot wait to take her home to show his friends the wonderful fruit he has procured. But, on the way down something tragic happens. He is descending slowly and ever so carefully as to not bruise his delicate apple, but then unexpectedly, the apple falls from his hand and tumbles to the ground.

Devastated, he rushes to the ground to try and rescue his apple that he so gently carried all this time, but alas, by the time he reaches her, she is whisked away by one of those who wishes not to attempt the dangerous climb, but rather picks up what has already fallen at his feet. Thus it happens, that the man who risked his life is left stunned, wondering why the apple fell from his grasp. Perhaps something is wrong with him, was he too caring, did he grip her too tightly, or say something wrong? Why, oh why, would she fall to the ground after all he did to get that dear precious apple?

That is just one possible scenario; another is that the apples friends think this man is not good enough for their beautiful friend and knock him out of the tree. The apple herself decides to wait for a better man to come along and stubbornly clings on to her branch, but the waiting is in vain and when she tries to attract the man back to her branches, he has found another apple that was grateful for all he did to obtain her ruby red lusciousness. Whatever the reason, this good-hearted man did everything right, and yet it still wasn’t enough.

I have never understood this and it will most likely baffle me to the end of my days. Girls complain that they can’t find a good man in the world and fear they are doomed to live their lives alone with dozens of cats in a house where the lawn is overgrown with rose bushes. Then, a man comes along and she is excited. He makes her laugh, treats her like a princess and posses many, if not all the qualities of the man she has often dreamed of. But then, for one reason or another, the girl decides he not handsome enough, he walks with a limp, has a weird laugh, his left pupil is slightly larger than his right iris. There is always some excuse. Then when this man is gone, they return to the complaining and wondering why men aren’t ever interested in them.

Then, in their desperation to have someone love them, they go with next guy that comes along and all to often, he is a complete and total deuchbag. HE treats her kindly every once in a blue moon, but always leaves her wondering, crying in her bed late at night while he is off doing as he pleases. But, she is afraid she will never find anyone else that will have her, so she sticks around for the few and far-in-between occurrences of affection.

Well, all I have to say is that while I am not surprised at this common reaction I see from my friends of the female type. We often do not realize when there is something amazing right in front of us until it is too late. Those who are lucky realize what they have before them and hold onto it for the rest of eternity.

Now, I realize this isn’t always the case and not just any good man is right for just any amazing girl, but may I just propose that we be a little more aware of the people that come into our lives, and really look more at who the person is than at what, or who, the person looks like. Every girl deserves a man who will risk the climb to get to her, but the man who does the climbing should be the one who gets the prize, not the guy who waits for the apple to drop at his feet.

Relationships: They're All Around Us

Their is a peculiar aspect to Utah that is rarely found anywhere else in the world. In a culture that expounds quite often on the importance of relationships and maintaining a good amount of communication in those relationships, it often falls short in one of the most important relationships we may have with others, that of driving together on the same road.

In a college course I took that dealt with the topic of dating and marriage, I learned that communication is the most vital aspect of these relationships, along with any others we may have with our fellow man. If we desire the other person to treat us in a specific manner, we must communicate clearly and respectfully what we want. We must also learn to listen to the needs of the other person and form compromises where necessary for any relationship to flourish.

Unfortunately, this concept is lost when it comes to driving in Utah. I cannot count the number of times I have seen accidents occur, or almost occur, due to the complete lack of communication. A car decides to change lanes with out signaling and cuts off another that is traveling at a higher velocity. Another driver gets angry when some indicates they are moving over to the next lane with ample time for the angry driver to know they are coming and move in the path of travel of the said angry driver. These are the most common incidents I run into while traveling through Utah. Along with the incessant need to drive no more than twelve inches from the car in front of you while traveling twenty over the posted speed limit.

Many problems that occur while people are driving are due to strict negligence to communicating one's intentions; it's amazing how much can be avoided by the simple use of a blinker. The same goes for any type of relationships. I find it extremely annoying when in movies the main couple run into some sort of road bump, and one gets angry and refuses to let the other explain what really happened. The whole incident could be avoided if they just listened to what the other had to say. It's almost as if we are being taught that we must avoid letting others know of our intentions, that in so doing we reveal some weakness or dependence we have on others.

Also, when one person desires to express something they need, the other cannot become angry or offended, especially when the person asking is constantly giving to the other so that the person is happy and comfortable. We all live in this world together, and we must all share the same road, so let's allow everyone else to know what are plans are so they do not become a hinderance to them.

Many people I talk to about such things often agree with me, but I wonder if we fully comprehend the importance of the matter. I am not saying that I am not part of the problem, I have often been part of the cause of many problems, both on the road and off, because I refuse to communicate my needs to the other person so they can accommodate them. All I wish to say is that we learn to listen more than we talk and try to understand what is really required to accommodate those we interact with. 

Friends, What Are They Good for Anyway?

I often run into a social phenomenon that constantly astounds me every time it occurs. I have met quite a number of people since I left my not so small town of Nampa, ID; and many of them have quickly become "friends." We spend a fair amount of time together, do various activities together, and act like we have known each other our entire lives. Then, for varying reasons, we don't see each other for a while (life gets busy, moving to a new apartment, etc.) whatever the reason, we lose touch.

But then, we run into each other and one of the first things I hear from their mouth is, "why haven't you kept in touch," or something to that effect. I have never understood this. Why is it my sole responsibility to maintain the friendship? Since when has any relationship survived thanks to the efforts of one. I have never seen it happen. And, to set the record straight, I have often made attempts to invite the person to a party and maintain some form of contact with them since the long "absence" began.

So, I would like to suggest that perhaps we think again about why a friendship really ended. We may even need to ask ourselves why the friendship ended at all. Perhaps it has nothing to do with the fact that two people haven't seen each other in a long time, but perhaps one of the two have stopped putting forth the effort.

I would like to present one example for your consideration:

I am an avid ballroom dancer and compete on an individual basis with a partner. One particular partner I had became a good friend and we often did various activities together or would go to parties with other friends we had in common. We shared many good times, and then came the break. Over the course of a couple months of not seeing each other due to varying circumstances, we ran into each other, (I should mention that we had stopped competing together by this time) and the usual conversation took place.

We decided to get together and catch up on the time we hadn't seen each other. I set up the engagement and we had a good time. We then a period of several months only running into each other on rare occasion and with little time to talk, despite frequent invites I had extended to different social gatherings. At this particular meeting, my friend decided that we should get together and catch up, I agreed and told her to contact me with specifics on when and where she wanted to meet.

Well, needless to say, she never called. I was tired of putting effort into a one sided relationship, and so I let it fade. To me, our friendship obviously meant little to her and other priorities took precedence, so I stopped trying.

Now, you can analyze this experience as you may, I don't really care. All I wish to convey is that we think twice about why friendships die, and maybe pay more attention to those who are extending an extra effort to maintain those friendships. We meet lots of people throughout our lives. Faces are constantly entering and exiting, so I shush to pose a single question: Are we really keeping track of the ones we really want to keep there?