Soulmates, Schmoulmates

Young people in today's world have a very misconstrued idea of what love is. They see love as a purely physical expression. They think that in order to express and receive true love it must be done through long hugs, intimate kissing, and extreme cuddling. They have lost the vision of what love truly means, they have perverted its true intentions.

I often see movies and TV shows that depict a teenage girl meeting a teenage guy and they know immediately that they are meant for each other and destined to be together for the rest of their lives. They are soul-mates and will never love anyone as much as they do each other. What hogwash, it saddens me that the media dilutes our minds with such and utter nonsense.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is taught that there is no such thing as a soul mate, there does not exist only one single person for you. I particularly like this teaching and think it is one that needs to be applied a little more liberally. I have found that too many times, people agree with the statement in word, but not in thought. They try to make the two beliefs live in the same realm, when they cannot, it is like trying to get fire and water to exist in the same bowl, or light and darkness to reside within the same room. While they admit to the fact that there is not one person meant for them alone, they constantly say how what we do and circumstances in life prepare us for who we are going to marry. They look for an immediate verification that someone they are interested in is who they are supposed to marry. They still expect an instantaneous flood of emotion within themselves to tell them that this one person is the "one."

I often wish that they would stop trying to live this way. They continue to seek the ideal person and the ideal situation. They see the exception as the rule instead of the rule as the norm. Of course, I cannot blame them too much, the thought is not always put there by their own means. I know many have heard of the stories where two people met and after a week they know they were meant for each other. They then get engaged and within a month and a half of meeting, they are married and free to spend the rest of their lives in eternal bliss. Well fan-freaking-tasctic. Thank-you for changing the rules of the game and annihilating my chances forever. Thank-you for setting the bar so high that only the best of the best can jump over it, or even touch it. Oh, and thank-you for crushing the hopes and dreams of thousands if not millions of people.

When will we learn that this is not how life works. Yes it is true that members of the LDS faith believe in personal revelation and that through communication with God they can learn of things that are hidden to the rest of the world. But, maybe we rely on that way too much. We have our agency, it is one of the greatest things we have been given in this life, we should not throw it away in the hopes of achieving the next to impossible.

I now wish to present a few pieces of evidence that would prove the contrary. Many of the LDS faith look to and try to emulate the life of the Church's leaders. Many of these Apostles have been married for years and if you look at their stories you will find a common trend. Many knew their spouses for a number of years before they were wed. A specific example is David a Bednar. In talking about how he came to know that his wife was who he should marry he said that it took over a year before he knew for sure. During this time he explains that the love between them grew gradually. There was no instantaneous moment of assurance. It was a process of getting to know each other and  decided that marriage was something they were working towards.

So, then how should we approach finding our partners in life? How should we seek out to marry someone who is right for us? And I emphasize RIGHT.

I do not fully know nor comprehend how this should all work. I have my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs just like everyone else, so, I will share a few of them with you.

We should start by getting to know someone. That is the purpose of dating anyways; to get to know someone, learn of their likes and dislikes, what makes them happy and what peeves them. It is important to interact with the person in a variety of settings, both in groups and alone. By doing this you will learn how the other person is, you will learn if they are someone you enjoy being with.

We must also learn to look beyond a person's faults. We cannot truly know someone unless we can forget their shortcomings. It is actually quite amazing are interesting and enjoying a person can be when you are not focused so much on their annoying habits. Also, by not focusing on other's faults, we rid ourselves of our own.

By doing these things, we will be able to find out if this person has the same core beliefs we have. This is the most vital of all, and will determine if two people can make a relationship work. That, and making sure the most important aspect of all relationships remains intact, communication.

I conclusion, remember, soul mates are fiction, they do not exist. Their will probably not be a moment instantaneous knowledge that someone is destined for you. It will take time, and as you take time, it will enrich the whole experience.

Confidence=Attractive

It has been a while since I have been able to write a post. Now, due to popular demand, I am writing a new, long awaited article. This one is going to be a little more serious and probably without random comparisons, but I have been wanting to write it for a while so here it goes.

I first recommend watching the video I have included at the top since all my comments will be derived from things this man has said. Mar Gungor is an amazing man and makes understanding important concepts like this one very easy as well as hilarious. The way he presents this topic is such that it does not make you feel bad about yourself, but is done so that you can laugh and think, "you know what, he's right."

Confidence is an amazing thing and one who possesses confidence controls the way people see them and think about them. Of course, if you have no confidence, you give a perception that you do not want to be liked. when you constantly put yourself down, despite what others may say, you just reinforce what you think of yourself and allow others to think the same.

Girls you are especially guilty of this. I know some guys who fall victim to this trap, and I am at times one of them, but for the most part, we men are very confident and enjoy to show off our talents, knowledge, large muscles, etc. Girls, however, are constantly drawing attention to their flaws, bringing to light their many imperfections. sensitive men try to counteract this degeneration of self by complementing the girls and helping them see the good within them. Alas, the girl rejects the positive reinforcement offered and counters with another degrading comment.

We guys tire of this and eventually give up on instilling confidence on the girl and leave her to wallow in her self pity. It's sad that this happens. At first I thought it a ploy used by girls to get guys to complement them, but what is the point of a complement that is returned to the sender. It's like buying medicine for a sickness then never taking it, or asking for water after crossing the Sahara only to dump it onto the dry ground.

I would like to share another an instance I see quite often and I find really disheartening. In the world of ballroom dance you find people of varying levels and abilities all striving to become one the best. The competition is fierce and people constantly overwork themselves to reach the top. While practicing I will often girls watching other girls who have danced longer and taken years to develop their talents. These girls who stand and watch wish they were as good as the other girls. They want the same leg lines, they same speed and clarity of movement.

I have tried many a time to console these girls of lesser ability and explain that the others have spent many a year refining their skill to reach the level they have and that the girl to home I am counseling can achieve the same level through hard work and determination. But, they don't want to listen. They want to be that girl now, they want to be amazing now.

I like the comment Mark Gungor makes when he says that 8 million women in the world don't look like super models, and only eight do. He goes on to talk about and women in magazines are airbrushed and then says, "Not even those women look like those women." And it's true, women constantly compare themselves to fictitious characters that don't exist in the real world. Why? I will never understand it and will always stand in awe of the constant down-talk because of this fact.

Girls, Mark lets you in on a little secret at the end. Guys don't care if you are perfect. we aren't looking for perfect. We are looking for someone who can be o-kay with who they are and how they look. We are willing to tell you how beautiful you really are, and you must be willing to accept it. Think of the girls who are constantly pursued by men, they are beautiful yes, but that is not why guys go after them. It is because they wreak of confidence. They are comfortable with themselves in any situation and are not afraid to show it.

So, what do I suggest? Be comfortable with who you are. Do not seek to be perfect or even the best in the given moment. Show confidence in your own abilities and your own looks. Do not reject compliments, but take them for what they are and let them strengthen you. Most importantly, and not to be cliche, be yourself. That is all I have to say concerning this matter. Thank you for reading and hopefully you can take from it something useful. And remember, you are amazing.