Lately I have been thinking quite a bit on how to show someone you are interested. This has often proven to be a difficult task. An even more difficult one is that of determining if the other person is interested in me. I always go back and forth in my mind trying to determine whether the girl likes or not. If she wants to date me or if she just wants to be friends. It would be easier if we could be forth coming about how much interest we have in a person, but that seems to be a social taboo for one reason or another.
Dwelling on this matter causes me to reflect on the book turned film He’s just not that into You. In this film, the character played by Justin Long gives the following advice. If a guy is interested in you, he will do whatever it takes to be with you. It doesn’t matter what it is, he will make it happen. This is actually almost entirely true. From my experience, and those of friends that I have discussed this matter with, if someone is interested, they want to be around you. They find the time, they offer suggestions of possible activities. They do what it takes to be with that person.
My sister once told me that if a girl likes you, she will talk with you. I have found this to be an interesting take on the matter. In some sense, if the girl doesn’t want to date you, or if she doesn’t like you, she isn’t likely to go through the effort to talk with you and carry on a conversation, which can be difficult for some (yours truly included). I guess it kind of goes along the lines of the previously mentioned point, if they like you, they will make it happen.
That’s all great and all, but there is also a lot of ambiguity in the two statements. The problem then arises, “To what extent does the person like me?” Is this just a strict friendship, or is it open to something more? I do I tell to what level the person of interest is interested in me? Ultimately, it often boils down to one thing. At some point you have to talk to the other person and explicitly announce your affection for them and the desire to move things up a level. Like any type of relationship, it requires communication.
Then I run into following problem, how long do I have to wait before the discussion of a more serious relationship takes place? No one has ever given me a definite answer to this question. The most common I have seen is after three or four dates there should occur, what is often termed among the Mormon culture, a DTR (Defining the Relationship). This is a conversation where the two people discuss what they want out the relationship. Where they see it going. And lastly, if there is any mutual attraction at all. But, there is no standard as to when this should take place.
While three or four dates is the most common, there are still a number of people that would suggest five or six, or even wait a month to a month and a half of casual dating take place before a DTR takes place to determine if a more serious, mutually exclusive relationship will form between the couple. You see the problem? There are so many varying opinions that it proves impossible for a person, such as myself, to plan anything out.
Due to the presented issues at hand, I am determined to attempt a structured, though albeit completely informal, study to determine if there is more consistency to the matter at hand then we are led to believe. The following posts will hopefully provide some more insight into the strange ritual we call dating and courtship. If nothing else, it will hopefully give me some insight into how this thing is supposed to work.
Now let’s hope that it all works out according to plan.
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