YouTube: An Allegory For the Blind Date

This week I have a special treat for you, a guest post from my good friend, Adam D.

Dating has been described in numberless ways (sorry for the cliché, but any other term or phrase made the opener sound awkward). Though countless songs, books, movies, and sleepover pillow talks have been dedicated to the subject, it never seems to get old. As insatiable as hormones and as irresistible as oreos, dating is ubiquitous.

I have often been said to have a….unique perspective on how things work. Perhaps that’s why I was invited to submit a snapshot of my views on the subject. I am not the world’s most amazing writer, but hopefully Jono’s blog isn’t popular enough yet to broadcast my weakness to too much of the cyber world.

Let’s begin with trolling for memories. Think back to the last experience you had with YouTube—yeah, think all the way back to last night. If your experiences parallel mine in any way, someone will have showed you one of their favorite videos. Now, before we merge onto that highway of thought, let’s think about this YouTube phenomenon to begin with.

YouTube hosts over 60 million videos. Of that, I reckon less than one percent could pass as funny. I don’t know where people get off thinking they’re going to be lucky enough to find something laughable out of that pool, but maybe they see the search as a challenge. Finding something worthwhile out of that pool of videos is the equivalent of finding the perfect date—given that we all continue to date, I guess it should be no surprise people surf YouTube as diligently as they do. Final thought, perhaps if those individuals spent as much time trying to find a suitable mate as they do scrolling through the latest attempts at digital comedy, maybe our world’s population would have hit the seven billion mark a long time ago.

Back to our stroll down memory.

Someone comes up to you and announces that they have a YouTube video that you just have to see. You pray that your laptop has magically disappeared, but alas! They locate it and begin the quick navigation to the popular video upload site. People always seem surprised to find that I don’t have YouTube bookmarked on my browser. What they don’t know is that this is one of my futile attempts to keep them from doing just what they’re doing. There’s always some chance that they won’t be able to spell YouTube properly, that Firefox will fail, or that the heavens will love me enough to smite my laptop battery. By not bookmarking, I give the big man more time to work a miracle or technology to fail. To date, this strategy has never worked, but you can’t blame a guy for trying.

Once the video has been located, the ritual begins. They explain to me, through more laughter than my aunt on nitrous oxide, how this video is the greatest thing since we imported the taco while I try and check how long I’m going to be pinned watching the video and the number of other poor saps forced to watch the same video. The funny thing about YouTube is that they don’t give a proper feedback method for views under duress. When the counter tells me there were 125,000 views, I can only imagine the concourses of suckers who were stuck in a room  watching the video without the ability to click the “dislike” button enough times to give the uploader a proper feel for the plague they put on our lives.

As the video begins, and I realize how lame that it is. I have some big decisions to make, each with their unique set of consequences. Should I choose to express my true feelings of disgust and not laugh at another animal voice over?  Then I risk being ridiculed by the person I’m with and being accused of having “no sense of humor” or even worse, offending them for not agreeing with their love of a four minute torture fest.

Should I choose to avoid that route, I find myself taking cues from the person showing me the video and laughing whenever they do. At the conclusion of the video, I join them in quoting it and raving about it. The catch to that side? THEY SHOW ME ANOTHER ONE! Why on Earth don’t these YouTube uploaders believe in being one-hit wonders???  Why must every person have a series of videos??? I don’t get it! Even YouTube celebrities that had only one hit personally (Rebecca Black for instance) became installments in a series as a whole planet of YouTube cultists parody their videos! Curse the techie who created the featured video bar! Next thing you know, I’m a captive audience to minute after minute of videos that I don’t care to watch—trapped in my own good intentions.

Of course, it could be worse; it could be a blind date, right?

What’s the difference? You tell me.

Let’s say that your friend sets you up. They have looked through the more than 60 million potential applicants for the less than one percent that would work for you. Then, they convince you to meet this one person. Vegas couldn’t get away with odds that bad, but your friend? Why the heck not? You meet this “date of your dreams” and are forced to go on a date with them to keep from hurting your friend’s feelings. Then come the decisions: if the date is going badly and there’s no instant connection, what do you do? Similar to forcible viewing of YouTube, you can’t just back out and leave. Imagine the labels you’d get stuck with if you were honest and wanted to communicate it:

“Hey Rhonda, I’m going to level with you. You aren’t half as attractive as my friend said you were. I feel we have nothing in common and are struggling to make any sort of meaningful connection. Quite honestly, my time would be much better invested in my chemistry homework than in seeking chemistry with you. Let’s just call it quits because quite frankly, I have no interest in you.”

Yeah, that would go over well, three minutes into the date!

No, you end up sticking it out just like the time you watched auto-tuned news reports instead of writing a term paper.

And not only do you stick it out, you pretend to like it! What a bunch of liars this dating game creates! You laugh, ask questions while praying the whole time that you’d go the way of the Dougie dancer and get hit by an ice cream truck (another video you’ve been forced to sit through). Alas, you continue forward with your deceitful game ‘til the end of the date. Common sense and the law of mercy tell us that you’d just part ways and move on. However, our YouTube game wins over. It never works. The “x” in the corner remains untouched as you are forced through the motions of continued activity. What’s the featured video now? The exchange of formalities and the doorstep scene. A double-header just for your viewing pleasure!

You tell your date you’ve had a wonderful time and they agree saying you should meet up again sometime. You make half-hearted plans to do so, but warn them about your scheduled brain surgery and tell them not to be offended if you forget to call as a result. Then you part at the doorstep and home free, right?  WRONG! Your friend asks what you thought about it! Just like their favorite YouTube video, you cannot tell them it was akin to contracting scarlet fever while rappelling into the crater of an active volcano. How good would it feel to be honest?

“You know what Sandy? It sucked! I don’t know where you find guys like that! Did you honestly think we’d be compatible? If so, Charlie must’ve bit more than just your finger! Holy cow, girl, get ahold of yourself! You have my permission to never consider setting me up again. Now, make me a sandwich!”

But of course, we play the civil person and pretend we loved it and thank them for the opportunity, thus encouraging them to continue their actions under the pretense that you enjoy being showed videos of ranting minorities and, of course, dating their friends.

I apologize if I was not able to make any of my points clear over the previous thousand words. Please, just do this for me.  Next time you’re forced to watch a YouTube video or go on a blind date, compare the experiences. The mirror image of the two is almost disturbing.

Soulmates, Schmoulmates

Young people in today's world have a very misconstrued idea of what love is. They see love as a purely physical expression. They think that in order to express and receive true love it must be done through long hugs, intimate kissing, and extreme cuddling. They have lost the vision of what love truly means, they have perverted its true intentions.

I often see movies and TV shows that depict a teenage girl meeting a teenage guy and they know immediately that they are meant for each other and destined to be together for the rest of their lives. They are soul-mates and will never love anyone as much as they do each other. What hogwash, it saddens me that the media dilutes our minds with such and utter nonsense.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is taught that there is no such thing as a soul mate, there does not exist only one single person for you. I particularly like this teaching and think it is one that needs to be applied a little more liberally. I have found that too many times, people agree with the statement in word, but not in thought. They try to make the two beliefs live in the same realm, when they cannot, it is like trying to get fire and water to exist in the same bowl, or light and darkness to reside within the same room. While they admit to the fact that there is not one person meant for them alone, they constantly say how what we do and circumstances in life prepare us for who we are going to marry. They look for an immediate verification that someone they are interested in is who they are supposed to marry. They still expect an instantaneous flood of emotion within themselves to tell them that this one person is the "one."

I often wish that they would stop trying to live this way. They continue to seek the ideal person and the ideal situation. They see the exception as the rule instead of the rule as the norm. Of course, I cannot blame them too much, the thought is not always put there by their own means. I know many have heard of the stories where two people met and after a week they know they were meant for each other. They then get engaged and within a month and a half of meeting, they are married and free to spend the rest of their lives in eternal bliss. Well fan-freaking-tasctic. Thank-you for changing the rules of the game and annihilating my chances forever. Thank-you for setting the bar so high that only the best of the best can jump over it, or even touch it. Oh, and thank-you for crushing the hopes and dreams of thousands if not millions of people.

When will we learn that this is not how life works. Yes it is true that members of the LDS faith believe in personal revelation and that through communication with God they can learn of things that are hidden to the rest of the world. But, maybe we rely on that way too much. We have our agency, it is one of the greatest things we have been given in this life, we should not throw it away in the hopes of achieving the next to impossible.

I now wish to present a few pieces of evidence that would prove the contrary. Many of the LDS faith look to and try to emulate the life of the Church's leaders. Many of these Apostles have been married for years and if you look at their stories you will find a common trend. Many knew their spouses for a number of years before they were wed. A specific example is David a Bednar. In talking about how he came to know that his wife was who he should marry he said that it took over a year before he knew for sure. During this time he explains that the love between them grew gradually. There was no instantaneous moment of assurance. It was a process of getting to know each other and  decided that marriage was something they were working towards.

So, then how should we approach finding our partners in life? How should we seek out to marry someone who is right for us? And I emphasize RIGHT.

I do not fully know nor comprehend how this should all work. I have my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs just like everyone else, so, I will share a few of them with you.

We should start by getting to know someone. That is the purpose of dating anyways; to get to know someone, learn of their likes and dislikes, what makes them happy and what peeves them. It is important to interact with the person in a variety of settings, both in groups and alone. By doing this you will learn how the other person is, you will learn if they are someone you enjoy being with.

We must also learn to look beyond a person's faults. We cannot truly know someone unless we can forget their shortcomings. It is actually quite amazing are interesting and enjoying a person can be when you are not focused so much on their annoying habits. Also, by not focusing on other's faults, we rid ourselves of our own.

By doing these things, we will be able to find out if this person has the same core beliefs we have. This is the most vital of all, and will determine if two people can make a relationship work. That, and making sure the most important aspect of all relationships remains intact, communication.

I conclusion, remember, soul mates are fiction, they do not exist. Their will probably not be a moment instantaneous knowledge that someone is destined for you. It will take time, and as you take time, it will enrich the whole experience.

Confidence=Attractive

It has been a while since I have been able to write a post. Now, due to popular demand, I am writing a new, long awaited article. This one is going to be a little more serious and probably without random comparisons, but I have been wanting to write it for a while so here it goes.

I first recommend watching the video I have included at the top since all my comments will be derived from things this man has said. Mar Gungor is an amazing man and makes understanding important concepts like this one very easy as well as hilarious. The way he presents this topic is such that it does not make you feel bad about yourself, but is done so that you can laugh and think, "you know what, he's right."

Confidence is an amazing thing and one who possesses confidence controls the way people see them and think about them. Of course, if you have no confidence, you give a perception that you do not want to be liked. when you constantly put yourself down, despite what others may say, you just reinforce what you think of yourself and allow others to think the same.

Girls you are especially guilty of this. I know some guys who fall victim to this trap, and I am at times one of them, but for the most part, we men are very confident and enjoy to show off our talents, knowledge, large muscles, etc. Girls, however, are constantly drawing attention to their flaws, bringing to light their many imperfections. sensitive men try to counteract this degeneration of self by complementing the girls and helping them see the good within them. Alas, the girl rejects the positive reinforcement offered and counters with another degrading comment.

We guys tire of this and eventually give up on instilling confidence on the girl and leave her to wallow in her self pity. It's sad that this happens. At first I thought it a ploy used by girls to get guys to complement them, but what is the point of a complement that is returned to the sender. It's like buying medicine for a sickness then never taking it, or asking for water after crossing the Sahara only to dump it onto the dry ground.

I would like to share another an instance I see quite often and I find really disheartening. In the world of ballroom dance you find people of varying levels and abilities all striving to become one the best. The competition is fierce and people constantly overwork themselves to reach the top. While practicing I will often girls watching other girls who have danced longer and taken years to develop their talents. These girls who stand and watch wish they were as good as the other girls. They want the same leg lines, they same speed and clarity of movement.

I have tried many a time to console these girls of lesser ability and explain that the others have spent many a year refining their skill to reach the level they have and that the girl to home I am counseling can achieve the same level through hard work and determination. But, they don't want to listen. They want to be that girl now, they want to be amazing now.

I like the comment Mark Gungor makes when he says that 8 million women in the world don't look like super models, and only eight do. He goes on to talk about and women in magazines are airbrushed and then says, "Not even those women look like those women." And it's true, women constantly compare themselves to fictitious characters that don't exist in the real world. Why? I will never understand it and will always stand in awe of the constant down-talk because of this fact.

Girls, Mark lets you in on a little secret at the end. Guys don't care if you are perfect. we aren't looking for perfect. We are looking for someone who can be o-kay with who they are and how they look. We are willing to tell you how beautiful you really are, and you must be willing to accept it. Think of the girls who are constantly pursued by men, they are beautiful yes, but that is not why guys go after them. It is because they wreak of confidence. They are comfortable with themselves in any situation and are not afraid to show it.

So, what do I suggest? Be comfortable with who you are. Do not seek to be perfect or even the best in the given moment. Show confidence in your own abilities and your own looks. Do not reject compliments, but take them for what they are and let them strengthen you. Most importantly, and not to be cliche, be yourself. That is all I have to say concerning this matter. Thank you for reading and hopefully you can take from it something useful. And remember, you are amazing. 

A little taste of the awesomeness that is Stamps the Band

STAMPS: The Band

This week I would like to share with everyone a little golden gem that I discovered a little over a month ago. To allow you to fully appreciate the value of this gem however, I believe it prudent to give a brief summary of the back-story of how I came across this treasure.

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I have a strong passion for music. I hate going for long periods of time without listening to some form of music (a long time in this instance is anything over an hour) and am constantly on the search for new music that is unique, fun to listen to, and contains high-quality lyrics.

Well, at the beginning of August I attended a concert with a very good friend. She introduced me to the headlining band and I enjoyed listening to the clever comedic lyrics of the songs. One of the bands on the tour came out near the beginning of the concert. Two girls and three guys take the stage; all dressed in slightly different styles with one of the girls sticking out like a sore thumb. I was curious to see how they did and hear the sound this little known band would produce.

And then something amazing happened. They began to play some of the best music I have ever heard in my life. The upbeat smooth sound that rested upon my ears left me wanting more. Needless to say, this band most definitely surpassed my expectations. What was even more amazing was one of the girls, wearing a fun yellow striped shirt and blue skinny jeans with a blue bow in her hair, rocked the guitar like none other. I am usually a little skeptic of female musicians in bands, but love it when they get up there and kick butt on stage.

Put that together with a lead singer who is hilarious and a drummer that just doesn’t only play drums and you have one amazing band that attracts with pure, raw talent. No auto tuning required.

Now, back to the music. It is unique in itself in that it is something that I generally don’t come across. Most of what I tend to hear is whatever happens to be popular on the radio. I often look around for the hidden gems that hardly anybody has heard of, but it is difficult in a world where we are constantly being told what to listen to, what to wear and unfortunately, what to think. I was ecstatic to find a group that played what they wanted, how they wanted.

It is truly original and they sing what they feel. They put their hearts into the music, and have a natural talent for entertaining a crowd. One of the main things that attracted me to them was that they interacted with the audience, cracked jokes, invited people up on stage with them, and created an atmosphere that fit their style. They didn’t have to get people to fall in love with an image, they brought the real deal and what you saw was what you got.

I wish more bands like this one existed; bands that put out music because they want to, not because they are trying to please a general public.

And the name of this awesome band is…

STAMPS

To learn more about who Stamps the Band is, go to their website: www.stampstheband.com

You can also listen to samples of their music in the iTunes store by searching “Stamps” or listen to their latest album on their web page. They have two EPs out entitled “Tramps” and “Stamps: Ventures of a Lifetime”

The Best Ones Are At the Top

“Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.”

I have seen this quote a few times on various Facebook pages and other places, usually posted by some girl who is fed up with being ignored by guys, only going out with complete jerks, or some other apparently failed attempt at procuring a mate worthy of their “amazingness.” Well, this one is for all those ladies that hang at the top of the tree waiting for the “right man to come along.”

I have known many good men who have walked by this metaphorical apple tree and seen the bright red juicy apples at the top and decided they wanted one. So they go about finding a ladder that will reach the top, but inevitably, there is never a ladder tall enough to reach the one he has his eye on. So, with the risk of falling and breaking a bone (or many), he begins to climb the frail branches, carefully placing his feet so his weight is distributed in just the right way to keep him from breaking the feeble boughs and plummeting to the Earth.

Finally, he reaches the apple he as longed for and plucks her from her sky-high branch. He feels he has won the greatest prize on Earth and cannot wait to take her home to show his friends the wonderful fruit he has procured. But, on the way down something tragic happens. He is descending slowly and ever so carefully as to not bruise his delicate apple, but then unexpectedly, the apple falls from his hand and tumbles to the ground.

Devastated, he rushes to the ground to try and rescue his apple that he so gently carried all this time, but alas, by the time he reaches her, she is whisked away by one of those who wishes not to attempt the dangerous climb, but rather picks up what has already fallen at his feet. Thus it happens, that the man who risked his life is left stunned, wondering why the apple fell from his grasp. Perhaps something is wrong with him, was he too caring, did he grip her too tightly, or say something wrong? Why, oh why, would she fall to the ground after all he did to get that dear precious apple?

That is just one possible scenario; another is that the apples friends think this man is not good enough for their beautiful friend and knock him out of the tree. The apple herself decides to wait for a better man to come along and stubbornly clings on to her branch, but the waiting is in vain and when she tries to attract the man back to her branches, he has found another apple that was grateful for all he did to obtain her ruby red lusciousness. Whatever the reason, this good-hearted man did everything right, and yet it still wasn’t enough.

I have never understood this and it will most likely baffle me to the end of my days. Girls complain that they can’t find a good man in the world and fear they are doomed to live their lives alone with dozens of cats in a house where the lawn is overgrown with rose bushes. Then, a man comes along and she is excited. He makes her laugh, treats her like a princess and posses many, if not all the qualities of the man she has often dreamed of. But then, for one reason or another, the girl decides he not handsome enough, he walks with a limp, has a weird laugh, his left pupil is slightly larger than his right iris. There is always some excuse. Then when this man is gone, they return to the complaining and wondering why men aren’t ever interested in them.

Then, in their desperation to have someone love them, they go with next guy that comes along and all to often, he is a complete and total deuchbag. HE treats her kindly every once in a blue moon, but always leaves her wondering, crying in her bed late at night while he is off doing as he pleases. But, she is afraid she will never find anyone else that will have her, so she sticks around for the few and far-in-between occurrences of affection.

Well, all I have to say is that while I am not surprised at this common reaction I see from my friends of the female type. We often do not realize when there is something amazing right in front of us until it is too late. Those who are lucky realize what they have before them and hold onto it for the rest of eternity.

Now, I realize this isn’t always the case and not just any good man is right for just any amazing girl, but may I just propose that we be a little more aware of the people that come into our lives, and really look more at who the person is than at what, or who, the person looks like. Every girl deserves a man who will risk the climb to get to her, but the man who does the climbing should be the one who gets the prize, not the guy who waits for the apple to drop at his feet.

Relationships: They're All Around Us

Their is a peculiar aspect to Utah that is rarely found anywhere else in the world. In a culture that expounds quite often on the importance of relationships and maintaining a good amount of communication in those relationships, it often falls short in one of the most important relationships we may have with others, that of driving together on the same road.

In a college course I took that dealt with the topic of dating and marriage, I learned that communication is the most vital aspect of these relationships, along with any others we may have with our fellow man. If we desire the other person to treat us in a specific manner, we must communicate clearly and respectfully what we want. We must also learn to listen to the needs of the other person and form compromises where necessary for any relationship to flourish.

Unfortunately, this concept is lost when it comes to driving in Utah. I cannot count the number of times I have seen accidents occur, or almost occur, due to the complete lack of communication. A car decides to change lanes with out signaling and cuts off another that is traveling at a higher velocity. Another driver gets angry when some indicates they are moving over to the next lane with ample time for the angry driver to know they are coming and move in the path of travel of the said angry driver. These are the most common incidents I run into while traveling through Utah. Along with the incessant need to drive no more than twelve inches from the car in front of you while traveling twenty over the posted speed limit.

Many problems that occur while people are driving are due to strict negligence to communicating one's intentions; it's amazing how much can be avoided by the simple use of a blinker. The same goes for any type of relationships. I find it extremely annoying when in movies the main couple run into some sort of road bump, and one gets angry and refuses to let the other explain what really happened. The whole incident could be avoided if they just listened to what the other had to say. It's almost as if we are being taught that we must avoid letting others know of our intentions, that in so doing we reveal some weakness or dependence we have on others.

Also, when one person desires to express something they need, the other cannot become angry or offended, especially when the person asking is constantly giving to the other so that the person is happy and comfortable. We all live in this world together, and we must all share the same road, so let's allow everyone else to know what are plans are so they do not become a hinderance to them.

Many people I talk to about such things often agree with me, but I wonder if we fully comprehend the importance of the matter. I am not saying that I am not part of the problem, I have often been part of the cause of many problems, both on the road and off, because I refuse to communicate my needs to the other person so they can accommodate them. All I wish to say is that we learn to listen more than we talk and try to understand what is really required to accommodate those we interact with.