My Life in Song: Part 1

It's been a while, I know, but unfortunately I have been busy with the end of the semester and wrapping up a wonderful year of coaching ballroom. Anywho, I have decided that the next few posts are going to be inspired by music. I love music and listen to it almost incessantly. In fact, I have had a few roommates who have said I listen to my music a little too loud. This may be true, but music is a release for me. It gets emotions out and allows me to think. It helps best when I run. (I guess I should clarify a little, I don't play or write music, as much as I would like to, I just listen to it.)

Along with this, I believe it shows my hopeless romantic side. The first of the two videos that will appear in this post is by Carly Rae Jepson and is titled "Call Me Maybe." The thing I like about this song is that it would be great if a girl just came up to me at random and gave me her number. I wish I could say it has happened before, but that would be lying, and we all know where liars go. It would be one of those things that would just make my day. the other part of this video I like, that helps add to the song, is her playful nature, trying to get the boy's attention without making it look completely on purpose. The only part of the video that would not apply in my situation is the ending. Nope, would not happen. But, in all, a great song, and a well done video.

The second song is a long time favorite, at least since it came out. It is by the lovely and very talented Colbie Caillat and is called "Fallin' for You." Again, I am drawn to this song by the fact the the girl comes outright and says, "Hey, I like you." It would make life so much easier for that to actually happen rather paying this game of "Guess if the Cute Girl Likes You or Not." Another aspect of this song that I like is that fact that it's alms an unexpected attraction to the guy. Almost as if saying, give someone a chance and you'll be surprised what they can show you.

One of the Greatest

I have been debating whether or not to actually write this post. I have been wanting to do so, but I am not a big fan of talking about myself. Now those that are good friends with me may think differently, but I only boast to those who I know, and it is generally in a joking matter (it's kind of hard to explain).

Anywho, for the past little while there has been something that has been bothering me. the more I try to make sense of it, the more confused I become. I have noticed something quite intriguing that the girls I go out on dates with repeatedly say. Perhaps not word for word, but they all say more or less the same thing. Let me provide an example:

I knew this girl who was fun to spend time with. We were always joking around, laughing and just plain enjoying ourselves whenever we would run into each other on campus at BYU. I finally managed to land a couple of dates, and they were by far some of the best ones I have ever been on. After these two glorious dates, I asked her for a third, and this is where it all fell apart. She called me and proceeded to tell me that I was a great guy and she enjoyed spending time with me, but she wasn't interested in dating me.

Excuse me? I don't understand. I'm amazing? I make you happy? I should also add that at one point in time she had told me that I was funny and that she liked that about me. I have heard from countless ladies that I have met over the years that I am a great guy, thoughtful, kind, awesome, funny, among other great qualities. According to most girls' standards I am one the most eligible bachelors out there. Oh, and I will make a great husband someday (I hate that word by the way, someday, it doesn't exist). I also hear girls constantly talking about how they want a man with the same qualities. So, what's up? I am failing to see how this works. I have always known that the female mind is extremely complicated, not to mention next to impossible to understand, but this just seems beyond reason even for them. 

Ladies, if you find a guy with these qualities you so long for, why not try to get to know him. As much as I hate to admit it, I have never been on more than three dates with any one girl. I find that usually after the first two, she becomes very disinterested. Attempts to maintain contact are useless, she falls completely off the grid and any attempts to locate her are wasted. If you want to find such a guy as I am, wouldn't it make sense to spend the time trying to get to know me and find out if I truly am the type of guy you are looking for? At least, that is I would do, in fact, that is what I do, or at least try to do.

Allow me to present some further evidence of this intriguing phenomenon. I have tried my hand at the whole online dating thing. match.com, eHarmony, etc. And I have found similar reactions from these lovely ladies as well. I do my part and make contact, trying to get to know them, explain how amazing I am while trying to not come across as conceded, but nothing. There are some that give one or two responses, but it rarely goes beyond that. I can understand in some part that they may not be attracted to me in a physical sense (I have another post in the works on this, so stay tuned), but let's give this at least somewhat of an effort.

According to the women I make contact with, at least what is put in their profiles, they are looking for someone who can make them laugh, loves to travel, knows what they want to do with themselves, wants a family, enjoys being active, knows how to get enjoyment out of life. Guess what ladies, I do all these things, I have all these qualities!  I get to travel, I am pursuing my dream job, I have been told I am quite humorous by many a person, I would like to have a family; I exercise regularly, enjoy the great outdoors, etc and so forth. I would also like to mention, I have impeccable fashion sense, and can cook. I don't mean a bowl of cereal or Ramen; I mean I can cook real food. You name it I can cook it.

Despite all these amazing qualities, I remain single, without any prospects. Perhaps I am looking in the wrong places, but I highly doubt it. I do admit that I have my flaws; I am by no means perfect. However, I would think that my great qualities more than make up for it. Give a guy a chance, and he can make you laugh while talking you on the greatest adventure around the world. Well, that's all I have to say, except for a little note for the ladies, if you want a great guy who will make you the happiest girl in the world, let me know and maybe we can work something out. 

Telling the Truth: How to Let a Guy Down Easy

This blog comes in three parts. I present in the first part an argument. The two following sections are the responses of two girls that have been generous enough to provide a female perspective on the matter. After each of their responses I have included my own commentary on a few of their points and end with a summary of the point of this post. Hopefully it is instructional and very helpful to all.


Me:

With my many years at BYU (and they have indeed been many) I have met quite a few girls. Being a guy of the LDS type, I try to follow the council of my leaders and go on dates, get engaged and eventually married with kids living in a nice house in a small town. But, I digress:

In meeting girls, asking them out, and attempting to be a good Mormon boy, I have come across one main theme: Girls will often avoid the whole situation. I have experienced many a time when I called girl and she never return said phone call. I ask a girl out and she makes vague references to some type of activity, but not exactly sure and the time seems to coincide but not really (it seemed like she was trying to confuse me into backing out of the thing, but she greatly underestimated my complex thinking processes). And then there’s my favorite, The girl has a legitimate excuse and says she would love to some other time so when I call in the promised favor and she is either busy again, or some imaginary boyfriend pops up out of nowhere.

Anywho, it is rather frustrating for the guy trying to fulfill his responsibility, and sucks out his motivation to keep trying. I have talked to girls concerning the topic and they usually throw out ideas like, “I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” “I’m just not interested.” “I don’t know what to say.” Well, let me give you a few ideas.

First, you don’t want to hurt our feelings? I’ll let you in on a little secret; not saying anything hurts our feelings way more than stating the truth. It’s like the old proverb, “if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?” Of course it does. It seems that girls have the mentality, “if I don’t see him, it’s like it never happened.” NOT TRUE! Sure, the truth may sting a little bit, but guess what ladies, we can take it. We’re men. We can get over the whole thing if we actually know what’s going on rather than sitting around wondering if she’s going to call back and slowing going from creating lame excuses for you to hating your guts and hoping you remain old maids living with hundreds of cats. (Okay, maybe that was a little harsh.) But really, tell the truth. Like the Bible says, “the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)

Second, you’re not interested? Great, tell us. If you try dropping hints with such things as “maybe some other time,” “I’d like to, but I’m busy,” we’re going to take you at your word and try to set up a date for “some other time” when you are not “busy.” If you don’t want to, then say, heaven forbid, NO! Maybe not with the exclamation mark, or the capitalization, but you can say no. Again, we can take it, and even more surprisingly, we’ll move on. We now know you’re not interested and move on the next uninterested girl. Yay! (by the way, Jimmy Eat World has a great song concerning this very situation. It’s called “If You Don’t, Don’t.”)

And third, you don’t know what to say? Do I really have to spell it out for you? Have you noticed a pattern yet? I don’t think I can stress it enough, TELL THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Maybe I can.)

Really, that’s all we want, straightforward answers with no hidden messages, and no clues we have to follow to unlock the treasure. Give it to us strait. I can promise, for at least most men, that we will not get angry and throw a fit, we will not break down into tears and force you to listen to our sad stories of constant rejection. We will respect your wishes (as any real man would) and we will leave you alone.

Girl 1:

Dear said boy,

I can understand your frustrations in said dating life. Be assured that it is complicated, frustrating, and discouraging to the rest of us as well. But as to your subject of writing it is true that many girls see it as "not wanting to hurt the guy." I realized the futility of such an approach and found that it works much better. The boy understands completely and although I still feel mean, it was necessary. That's not to say I say it meanly, but rather, I say it plainly. A guy has so much more respect when girl says it that way instead of going about indirectly. A boy even told me "I couldn't even be mad at you because I respected you so much" when I had told him that I was not interested in dating him. So yes, I agree with you that it should be said directly to someone if you are not interested in going out with him.

Secondly, I think there really are times when a girl is busy or she really does have a boyfriend. My point is that just because a girl says she is busy, doesn't mean she is making up a lie to avoid a date. I have had times where a boy will ask me out and I really do have something going on. BUT! with that said there are two things that are necessary to point out. Sometimes it is because the boy asks too late (but I am assuming you have figured out it is better to ask girls out early in the week). The other thing is that the girl should say something to encourage the boy. She should suggest a different time for a date or something to the extent that will communicate to the boy that she really would go on a date, but is sincerely busy. It happens.

Lastly, although I understand your frustrations, this blog entry gives the impression that you are a bit bitter. Although I understand where those feelings might come from, I also understand that you may only be slightly frustrated and not actually bitter. But for all intents and purposes, I think that blogging this particular entry would give people the impression that you are bitter at love and that might discourage those who are interested. Once again, I understand your frustrations and you are only slightly annoyed with this whole situation, but this does create the illusion of utter anger. But this is just my opinion and you do not have to agree. I believe in the ability to have separate opinions. so yes!!! I agree with your point, but feel it could be delivered in a calmer manner that might get the point across better to your female friends such as I...even though I don't know you.... I think anyway...so yeah!  Good luck and I hope things go better. But do not get discouraged.... only one has to work. I keep telling myself that...haha! I hope this helps! 

My Comments:

In regards to the first girl’s response (I do not know this girl, but did appreciate the response):

I do not mean to come across bitter, I can understand why you think that way, but hear me out on this. I do know that there are occasions when the girl truly is busy and even does have a boyfriend. In fact, I have never personally run into a situation where the girl makes up a boyfriend, but I have heard plenty of friends that are girls tell their stories of doing just that, so know that it does happen. Also, I did have a similar occurrence where I asked a girl out; she was busy and said she would love to some other time. Two days later I learn that she had a boyfriend. Why not say so? It would have avoided a very awkward conversation later on when I would have followed up on that promise of another time, luckily I discovered the truth early enough to avoid the whole situation. I have also had an experience where I asked out a girl three different times over the course of a month and a half (not usually my style, but I really like this girl), and every time she had a ward party. Really? Three ward parties in that amount of time? I highly doubt it.

I do like the idea of a girl suggesting another day and time and believe that it is something that should be utilized more often, especially if the girl is interested. This really would help the guy to keep from getting discouraged and perhaps lead to something great.

Girl 2:

As a BYU student who graduated unmarried, and spent little of her student years in any sort of official relationship, I’ve been asked on my fair share of dates. Have I ever vaguely turned down a first date? Have I ever said yes and found excuses not to go on the date later? Have I ever pretended to have a good time and agreed at the doorstep to go on a second or third date, and then managed to avoid it somehow? Yes, yes, and yes. Guilty as charged. (To my credit though I got progressively better at saying “no”, and I haven’t ever ignored a call or voicemail, and I’ve only ignored a text once…and he was a stranger who looked up my phone number on the BYU student directory. I don’t respond favorably to total strangers who mess with my personal information)

So the big question now is why? I’m not alone in this; there are plenty of other girls who do the same. We’re well aware that if we don’t say no right away then we’ll just have to say it further down the road and it will only get harder. So why not save yourself and the guy involved a lot of trouble and worry by just giving an honest “no” right off the bat?

The short answer is that it seems easier. Turning someone down is hard! By avoiding a definite “no,” to us girls it feels like we have solved the problem of not having to go on a date with a guy we don’t like while avoiding a potentially very awkward and insulting conversation…that could have awkward repercussions whenever we run into that guy at church, in class, in the library, etc. And in our eagerness to avoid our fear of confrontation, we dismiss the fact that guys are busy agonizing over what we really mean, and tell ourselves that we are helping preserve their pride and ego by being vague. We girls can be very selfish sometimes whether we mean to be or not.

There are countless sub-reasons why we may not say exactly what we mean too. Here’s a list of some of the main reasons my girl friends and me through the years have carried on this legacy of not entirely telling the truth.

1) Guilt. As we girls have all had drilled into our brains since Young Women, you never say no to a first date (unless he’s a creeper, in which case you’re excused). Once a guy has put forth the mental exertion to think up some date, and worked up the nerve to come and ask you, and offered to pay for your evening of “fun”, you owe him the courtesy of saying “yes” whether you want to or not. If you say no to a first date, you are either a total snob who is too stuck up to give a nice boy a chance and doesn’t deserve any dates anyway, or a cold-hearted merciless Amazon beast who eats men’s hearts for breakfast. Or both.

So…what if you really really know you don’t want to go? Rather than be labeled as rude or mean for saying no, we choose to be vague. We feel less guilty when we don’t actually say “no”.

2) Pity. Sure there are plenty of guys who are fed up with girls not being clear when they don’t like them and want the cold hard truth, but there are lots of insecure soft-hearted boys who won’t take the hit so well. For example, once a random guy started talking to me. He was socially awkward, not very good-looking, a poor conversationalist, and he talked just like young George McFly, but was obviously very sweet and sincere. Not to be judgmental or anything, but I wasn’t interested in a date at all. After a few minutes he asked me out. He concluded his request for a date by adding that he was used to getting turned down, so free food was the bribe.

How can any nice girl look a guy in the eye who has rejection written so clearly on his face and who obviously has taken an emotional beating in the past, and tell him straight out “no, I’m not interested in you either”? Poor boy  So…I told him I had plans. Which I did…just not at the same time. And for some reason I felt like I had done him a favor by not saying no, even though I hadn’t really.

And how do you know which ones can really take it, and which ones just put up a tough front while they get all cut up inside? It’s easier to play it safe and feel better by being vague.

3) It seems presumptuous early on. If I were to respond to every guy I didn’t want to date when he asked me out for a first or second time, “you know, you’re really cool and everything, but I’m just not interested,” I’d feel like I was saying, “I know you’re probably madly in love with me, and I can’t say that I blame you. Really though, you’re just not good enough for me, so I guess you better go find a different eternal companion,” when really, he might be thinking “hey this girl is nice and she doesn’t seem to get asked out much, so maybe she’d like going to this random concert that I have to find a date for anyway.”

4) Unclear intentions make it hard to bring up. This is kind of along the same lines as #3, just further along in the dating game. Believe it or not, girls are not mind readers. We have a hard time understanding what boys are thinking too! So sometimes it’s hard to know if a guy likes you to the point that you should let him know you’re not interested. So at what point exactly does saying a courtesy “yes” to a date get replaced with it being more polite to say an honest “no”? When should it be assumed that the guy is interested, and not just getting to know you? Some guys seem to think it’s rude to not give them a second chance, and that second dates should be accepted like first dates. Other guys think if you say yes to a second date it means you’re potentially into them. What’s a girl to do? If he asks if I want to go to dinner with him, is he really asking if I like him? Because it’s “yes” to the dinner, but “no” to dating…so, what’s the best thing to say? So it ends up being an awkward vague maybe.

Obviously some degree of interest is shown when a guy asks a girl out, but it’s just hard to gauge how much sometimes. I know for me personally, it’s easiest when they come out and say it. I’m probably a bit off the beaten path in that regard…most people seem to hate DTR’s. But if at some point between dates (after we’ve gotten to know each other well and are comfortable being open) the guy can confidently tell me he likes me, or something to that extent, then that presents an opportunity to say “well thanks I’m flattered, but no I’m not really interested in dating you” or “Yay! I’m yours!” That is waaay easier to understand and follow through with instead of something more like “Hi, want to go mini-golfing with me on Saturday?” “No, because I don’t really like you.” Not knowing what the other person is thinking make things awkward for everyone.

5) The dreaded doorstep scene. When guys ask girls out on the doorstep after a date, it puts them in a pretty tight spot. I mean really, what are you supposed to say? “No, actually, I didn’t have fun with you tonight. Sorry you wasted your money on me. Save it for another girl next time, and maybe be funnier, or don’t talk about computers the whole time, or plan a date that’s actually fun, or something. You might have more luck that way. Well, have a nice night Mr. Reject, see you in class tomorrow.”

Turning down a future date right after a date just seems like a major insult. It’s like yelling “your party was so lame I don’t want to come back next year even though it’s free” over your shoulder as you leave your friend’s birthday party. For whatever reason it feels like an insult to both the boy and the date he planned. Plus then you end with that awkwardness hanging in the air, and the next time you see each other there’s still that lingering bad feeling. I’ve definitely said “yes” to future dates when asked at the doorstep, and then turned them down when they were cashed in later. I know it’s mean to potentially get his hopes up for a future next time, and then have them dashed on the rocks. But as hard as it is to give an honest “no” when you’re not interested, it’s a lot harder when it’s compounded with the doorstep post-date scene.

So there you have it; five reasons why girls don’t say what they mean. And I don’t think it’s fair to end this without including my most recent first date story.

Once upon a time, a guy I didn’t know very well asked me on a date. I had seen him around and we had mutual friends, so I knew who he was even though I didn’t know him well personally. I wasn’t really attracted to him at all, he didn’t really stand out to me as anything special, from what I had seen of him I didn’t expect to ever be interested in him, I didn’t care if I never saw him again, I wasn’t especially excited for the event we were going to, it was really late notice and I was tired from work, and I really just didn’t want to go at all. If I had been honest with him, I would have said no to the date. If it hadn’t been such late notice I might have tried to make up excuses. But…I didn’t. The date wasn’t that great, and if he had asked me on a second date right away I probably would have tried to vaguely turn it down. Instead, he became friends with my roommates, and found reasons to be around me and doing things with me in non-date settings (Halloween costume planning and shopping together, having long random conversations about school and life, organizing movie nights with our roommates once a week, decorating sugar cookies at my apartment between sessions of Conference, planning to both be at social dance club, etc). Then finally after a couple weeks, he came right out and told me he liked me. We had still only been on one official date, but by that point I was completely smitten. I told him I liked him too, and lo and behold, now we’re married!!

But, if I had told him truthfully that I wasn’t interested when he asked me out at first, I never would have realized how wrong I was. It kind of makes me wonder how many guys I’ve missed out on through the years because I either avoidantly or honestly turned them down instead of just going on one more half-hearted courtesy date. It also makes me wonder how many guys have been turned down because the girl was so caught up in saying “yes” or “no” to the artificial atmosphere and implications of an official date that she didn’t get the chance to really get to know the guy. For our particular situation, “dates” would have probably ruined our dating experience. Or perhaps more correctly, the stigma that gets worked up around dates would have ruined it because I would have been worried about what was correct protocol instead of just getting to know him.

Oh this dating game is such a sticky mess of miscommunications and uncertainty! I’m just glad I don’t have to play it anymore 

My Final Comments:

Now, as to the second girl. She makes some very good points and I agree 100% that the situations are pretty iffy when it comes to saying yes or no. I have come to understand the whole purpose behind girls saying yes to a majority of first dates. I respect it and in certain occasions, am grateful for it. The first day is for getting to know someone better. The interactions on a date are very different and it takes a while to get out of that “nervous zone” (this is a topic for an upcoming post). So, as stated, unless the guy is a complete and total “creeper,” please say yes.

The doorstep is an awkward time in the whole dating process. As a guy I never know what to say or to expect. I would almost never ask a girl on a second date at the door (I must confess I have done it once) so I can understand that one. Unclear intentions? That is the purpose of a DTR, to figure out what exactly is going one. You don’t have to decide the rest of your lives based on only two dates, but if you know for sure you’re not interested, then say so. I do believe that after a few dates, perhaps three or four, you should be able to at least say if you want to keep getting to know each other or not, even if you don’t declare boyfriend/girlfriend status.

To summarize, the purpose of this post is to try to get girls to understand that they don’t have to be afraid to tell a guy no. I get that in certain situations it may appear rude to say “no” but don’t put it off too long, and definitely do not avoid it all together. I think the different perspectives help to illustrate that point and hopefully inspire some to do better.

YouTube: An Allegory For the Blind Date

This week I have a special treat for you, a guest post from my good friend, Adam D.

Dating has been described in numberless ways (sorry for the cliché, but any other term or phrase made the opener sound awkward). Though countless songs, books, movies, and sleepover pillow talks have been dedicated to the subject, it never seems to get old. As insatiable as hormones and as irresistible as oreos, dating is ubiquitous.

I have often been said to have a….unique perspective on how things work. Perhaps that’s why I was invited to submit a snapshot of my views on the subject. I am not the world’s most amazing writer, but hopefully Jono’s blog isn’t popular enough yet to broadcast my weakness to too much of the cyber world.

Let’s begin with trolling for memories. Think back to the last experience you had with YouTube—yeah, think all the way back to last night. If your experiences parallel mine in any way, someone will have showed you one of their favorite videos. Now, before we merge onto that highway of thought, let’s think about this YouTube phenomenon to begin with.

YouTube hosts over 60 million videos. Of that, I reckon less than one percent could pass as funny. I don’t know where people get off thinking they’re going to be lucky enough to find something laughable out of that pool, but maybe they see the search as a challenge. Finding something worthwhile out of that pool of videos is the equivalent of finding the perfect date—given that we all continue to date, I guess it should be no surprise people surf YouTube as diligently as they do. Final thought, perhaps if those individuals spent as much time trying to find a suitable mate as they do scrolling through the latest attempts at digital comedy, maybe our world’s population would have hit the seven billion mark a long time ago.

Back to our stroll down memory.

Someone comes up to you and announces that they have a YouTube video that you just have to see. You pray that your laptop has magically disappeared, but alas! They locate it and begin the quick navigation to the popular video upload site. People always seem surprised to find that I don’t have YouTube bookmarked on my browser. What they don’t know is that this is one of my futile attempts to keep them from doing just what they’re doing. There’s always some chance that they won’t be able to spell YouTube properly, that Firefox will fail, or that the heavens will love me enough to smite my laptop battery. By not bookmarking, I give the big man more time to work a miracle or technology to fail. To date, this strategy has never worked, but you can’t blame a guy for trying.

Once the video has been located, the ritual begins. They explain to me, through more laughter than my aunt on nitrous oxide, how this video is the greatest thing since we imported the taco while I try and check how long I’m going to be pinned watching the video and the number of other poor saps forced to watch the same video. The funny thing about YouTube is that they don’t give a proper feedback method for views under duress. When the counter tells me there were 125,000 views, I can only imagine the concourses of suckers who were stuck in a room  watching the video without the ability to click the “dislike” button enough times to give the uploader a proper feel for the plague they put on our lives.

As the video begins, and I realize how lame that it is. I have some big decisions to make, each with their unique set of consequences. Should I choose to express my true feelings of disgust and not laugh at another animal voice over?  Then I risk being ridiculed by the person I’m with and being accused of having “no sense of humor” or even worse, offending them for not agreeing with their love of a four minute torture fest.

Should I choose to avoid that route, I find myself taking cues from the person showing me the video and laughing whenever they do. At the conclusion of the video, I join them in quoting it and raving about it. The catch to that side? THEY SHOW ME ANOTHER ONE! Why on Earth don’t these YouTube uploaders believe in being one-hit wonders???  Why must every person have a series of videos??? I don’t get it! Even YouTube celebrities that had only one hit personally (Rebecca Black for instance) became installments in a series as a whole planet of YouTube cultists parody their videos! Curse the techie who created the featured video bar! Next thing you know, I’m a captive audience to minute after minute of videos that I don’t care to watch—trapped in my own good intentions.

Of course, it could be worse; it could be a blind date, right?

What’s the difference? You tell me.

Let’s say that your friend sets you up. They have looked through the more than 60 million potential applicants for the less than one percent that would work for you. Then, they convince you to meet this one person. Vegas couldn’t get away with odds that bad, but your friend? Why the heck not? You meet this “date of your dreams” and are forced to go on a date with them to keep from hurting your friend’s feelings. Then come the decisions: if the date is going badly and there’s no instant connection, what do you do? Similar to forcible viewing of YouTube, you can’t just back out and leave. Imagine the labels you’d get stuck with if you were honest and wanted to communicate it:

“Hey Rhonda, I’m going to level with you. You aren’t half as attractive as my friend said you were. I feel we have nothing in common and are struggling to make any sort of meaningful connection. Quite honestly, my time would be much better invested in my chemistry homework than in seeking chemistry with you. Let’s just call it quits because quite frankly, I have no interest in you.”

Yeah, that would go over well, three minutes into the date!

No, you end up sticking it out just like the time you watched auto-tuned news reports instead of writing a term paper.

And not only do you stick it out, you pretend to like it! What a bunch of liars this dating game creates! You laugh, ask questions while praying the whole time that you’d go the way of the Dougie dancer and get hit by an ice cream truck (another video you’ve been forced to sit through). Alas, you continue forward with your deceitful game ‘til the end of the date. Common sense and the law of mercy tell us that you’d just part ways and move on. However, our YouTube game wins over. It never works. The “x” in the corner remains untouched as you are forced through the motions of continued activity. What’s the featured video now? The exchange of formalities and the doorstep scene. A double-header just for your viewing pleasure!

You tell your date you’ve had a wonderful time and they agree saying you should meet up again sometime. You make half-hearted plans to do so, but warn them about your scheduled brain surgery and tell them not to be offended if you forget to call as a result. Then you part at the doorstep and home free, right?  WRONG! Your friend asks what you thought about it! Just like their favorite YouTube video, you cannot tell them it was akin to contracting scarlet fever while rappelling into the crater of an active volcano. How good would it feel to be honest?

“You know what Sandy? It sucked! I don’t know where you find guys like that! Did you honestly think we’d be compatible? If so, Charlie must’ve bit more than just your finger! Holy cow, girl, get ahold of yourself! You have my permission to never consider setting me up again. Now, make me a sandwich!”

But of course, we play the civil person and pretend we loved it and thank them for the opportunity, thus encouraging them to continue their actions under the pretense that you enjoy being showed videos of ranting minorities and, of course, dating their friends.

I apologize if I was not able to make any of my points clear over the previous thousand words. Please, just do this for me.  Next time you’re forced to watch a YouTube video or go on a blind date, compare the experiences. The mirror image of the two is almost disturbing.

Soulmates, Schmoulmates

Young people in today's world have a very misconstrued idea of what love is. They see love as a purely physical expression. They think that in order to express and receive true love it must be done through long hugs, intimate kissing, and extreme cuddling. They have lost the vision of what love truly means, they have perverted its true intentions.

I often see movies and TV shows that depict a teenage girl meeting a teenage guy and they know immediately that they are meant for each other and destined to be together for the rest of their lives. They are soul-mates and will never love anyone as much as they do each other. What hogwash, it saddens me that the media dilutes our minds with such and utter nonsense.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is taught that there is no such thing as a soul mate, there does not exist only one single person for you. I particularly like this teaching and think it is one that needs to be applied a little more liberally. I have found that too many times, people agree with the statement in word, but not in thought. They try to make the two beliefs live in the same realm, when they cannot, it is like trying to get fire and water to exist in the same bowl, or light and darkness to reside within the same room. While they admit to the fact that there is not one person meant for them alone, they constantly say how what we do and circumstances in life prepare us for who we are going to marry. They look for an immediate verification that someone they are interested in is who they are supposed to marry. They still expect an instantaneous flood of emotion within themselves to tell them that this one person is the "one."

I often wish that they would stop trying to live this way. They continue to seek the ideal person and the ideal situation. They see the exception as the rule instead of the rule as the norm. Of course, I cannot blame them too much, the thought is not always put there by their own means. I know many have heard of the stories where two people met and after a week they know they were meant for each other. They then get engaged and within a month and a half of meeting, they are married and free to spend the rest of their lives in eternal bliss. Well fan-freaking-tasctic. Thank-you for changing the rules of the game and annihilating my chances forever. Thank-you for setting the bar so high that only the best of the best can jump over it, or even touch it. Oh, and thank-you for crushing the hopes and dreams of thousands if not millions of people.

When will we learn that this is not how life works. Yes it is true that members of the LDS faith believe in personal revelation and that through communication with God they can learn of things that are hidden to the rest of the world. But, maybe we rely on that way too much. We have our agency, it is one of the greatest things we have been given in this life, we should not throw it away in the hopes of achieving the next to impossible.

I now wish to present a few pieces of evidence that would prove the contrary. Many of the LDS faith look to and try to emulate the life of the Church's leaders. Many of these Apostles have been married for years and if you look at their stories you will find a common trend. Many knew their spouses for a number of years before they were wed. A specific example is David a Bednar. In talking about how he came to know that his wife was who he should marry he said that it took over a year before he knew for sure. During this time he explains that the love between them grew gradually. There was no instantaneous moment of assurance. It was a process of getting to know each other and  decided that marriage was something they were working towards.

So, then how should we approach finding our partners in life? How should we seek out to marry someone who is right for us? And I emphasize RIGHT.

I do not fully know nor comprehend how this should all work. I have my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs just like everyone else, so, I will share a few of them with you.

We should start by getting to know someone. That is the purpose of dating anyways; to get to know someone, learn of their likes and dislikes, what makes them happy and what peeves them. It is important to interact with the person in a variety of settings, both in groups and alone. By doing this you will learn how the other person is, you will learn if they are someone you enjoy being with.

We must also learn to look beyond a person's faults. We cannot truly know someone unless we can forget their shortcomings. It is actually quite amazing are interesting and enjoying a person can be when you are not focused so much on their annoying habits. Also, by not focusing on other's faults, we rid ourselves of our own.

By doing these things, we will be able to find out if this person has the same core beliefs we have. This is the most vital of all, and will determine if two people can make a relationship work. That, and making sure the most important aspect of all relationships remains intact, communication.

I conclusion, remember, soul mates are fiction, they do not exist. Their will probably not be a moment instantaneous knowledge that someone is destined for you. It will take time, and as you take time, it will enrich the whole experience.

Confidence=Attractive

It has been a while since I have been able to write a post. Now, due to popular demand, I am writing a new, long awaited article. This one is going to be a little more serious and probably without random comparisons, but I have been wanting to write it for a while so here it goes.

I first recommend watching the video I have included at the top since all my comments will be derived from things this man has said. Mar Gungor is an amazing man and makes understanding important concepts like this one very easy as well as hilarious. The way he presents this topic is such that it does not make you feel bad about yourself, but is done so that you can laugh and think, "you know what, he's right."

Confidence is an amazing thing and one who possesses confidence controls the way people see them and think about them. Of course, if you have no confidence, you give a perception that you do not want to be liked. when you constantly put yourself down, despite what others may say, you just reinforce what you think of yourself and allow others to think the same.

Girls you are especially guilty of this. I know some guys who fall victim to this trap, and I am at times one of them, but for the most part, we men are very confident and enjoy to show off our talents, knowledge, large muscles, etc. Girls, however, are constantly drawing attention to their flaws, bringing to light their many imperfections. sensitive men try to counteract this degeneration of self by complementing the girls and helping them see the good within them. Alas, the girl rejects the positive reinforcement offered and counters with another degrading comment.

We guys tire of this and eventually give up on instilling confidence on the girl and leave her to wallow in her self pity. It's sad that this happens. At first I thought it a ploy used by girls to get guys to complement them, but what is the point of a complement that is returned to the sender. It's like buying medicine for a sickness then never taking it, or asking for water after crossing the Sahara only to dump it onto the dry ground.

I would like to share another an instance I see quite often and I find really disheartening. In the world of ballroom dance you find people of varying levels and abilities all striving to become one the best. The competition is fierce and people constantly overwork themselves to reach the top. While practicing I will often girls watching other girls who have danced longer and taken years to develop their talents. These girls who stand and watch wish they were as good as the other girls. They want the same leg lines, they same speed and clarity of movement.

I have tried many a time to console these girls of lesser ability and explain that the others have spent many a year refining their skill to reach the level they have and that the girl to home I am counseling can achieve the same level through hard work and determination. But, they don't want to listen. They want to be that girl now, they want to be amazing now.

I like the comment Mark Gungor makes when he says that 8 million women in the world don't look like super models, and only eight do. He goes on to talk about and women in magazines are airbrushed and then says, "Not even those women look like those women." And it's true, women constantly compare themselves to fictitious characters that don't exist in the real world. Why? I will never understand it and will always stand in awe of the constant down-talk because of this fact.

Girls, Mark lets you in on a little secret at the end. Guys don't care if you are perfect. we aren't looking for perfect. We are looking for someone who can be o-kay with who they are and how they look. We are willing to tell you how beautiful you really are, and you must be willing to accept it. Think of the girls who are constantly pursued by men, they are beautiful yes, but that is not why guys go after them. It is because they wreak of confidence. They are comfortable with themselves in any situation and are not afraid to show it.

So, what do I suggest? Be comfortable with who you are. Do not seek to be perfect or even the best in the given moment. Show confidence in your own abilities and your own looks. Do not reject compliments, but take them for what they are and let them strengthen you. Most importantly, and not to be cliche, be yourself. That is all I have to say concerning this matter. Thank you for reading and hopefully you can take from it something useful. And remember, you are amazing. 

A little taste of the awesomeness that is Stamps the Band